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[Feb. 9th, 2009|01:14 pm] |
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"If I were President of the Philippines right now.." is a highly-used joke in the Philippines, used to denote some kind of dictatorial, never-erring rule as if the President is the most powerful character in this island, whose decrees are kept and laws are followed. But the President of the Republic of the Philippines is a human being, a mere mortal whose words are as strong as how the people are willing to commit themselves to. And given that this is the Philippines, where only the "enlightened" are gullible optimists and the masses are pragmatic, lovable cynics, it is hard to enforce rules which could have greatly improved this country. And given that the Congress makes the majority of the rules, the President will have to be hard-pressed to make his or her (or its, for those gay rulers and presidentiables out there) Presidential Decrees. And given that the media is hard-pressed on finding any story, they can attach their sentiments to the news without the editors finding out. So that means that whoever the President is, if he/she/it can't stop the opposition from giving an overeager young journalist a Photoshopped picture of her supposedly doing businesses under-the-table. Of course, given that the current President of the Republic of the Philippines is too short to make deals above-the-table, she can be forgiven for that. But what about me?
Now why would I be President? And how would I become President despite my great lack of charisma and tact, as well as sheer incapability to assume command and leadership roles coupled with insufficient political experience and machinery
"One day, the barely-known biologist, known in the blogosphere as 'mttspiii' (Sorry, privacy rules does not allow us to mention our real-worldly name in any blog entry.), decided 'I want to be the President of the Republic of the Philippines!' after absorbing a whiff of a particularly powerful drug extracted from the leaf of a medicinal herb given to him by his tribe shaman friend makes 'mttspiii' lose his former Filipino pragmatic-cynicism. In the next 5 years, he had planned for Presidency, researching the various tools to win, including bribes, drugs, a massive amount of Charisma, prayers, and the promise of 'restoring our Filipino virtues, good customs, moral values, and jobs and 2,000 new gardai and whatever it is...' And he won, by cultivating an image to the masses that he is a harmless, well-meaning scientist who is not exactly expected to do better than the opposition, but certainly will not do worse. And he survives his victory by cultivating a similar image to the old politicians, but with '...is also a nice push-over puppet-of-my-party president-kid who, with our help, managed to win and get past the age limit for Presidency...' added to it."
Then 'mttspiii''s drugs suddenly wore off like a finger-snap at the very first day of his presidency.
Now that I am President, I am very, very doomed. Doomed to be looked down upon by the masses who believed that the day I win is the day that everyone will suddenly be richer than their neighbors, doomed to be a puppet by the political machine that got me up there, doomed to be ever under the eyes of extremist assailants who thinks that I am a cheating devil, doomed to lose all those virtues and values as my morality is eaten up by the political system, that I will have to tolerate the various politikos' corruption because changing it will very greatly affect the status quo and potentially cause civil war and anarchy; it is for the greater good after all, right?
Wrong. Let me repeat that. WrOng. I am President, I have my own group of Bureaus, Cabinets, tables, and other various furniture under my scepter as I sit in my throne. And given that since my life is ruined anyway by drugs or by entering the political sphere, there is nothing to look forward to or to look back, no need to plunder or salt some other guy's cash because this is all a drugged, hormone-turboed dream/nightmare. I know I can resign immediately and go back into my life as a biologist researcher when I want, but since I am President anyway, I will have to make up for any misdeeds I have done in high school and college as a scholar-slash-taxpayers' burden and will take full responsibility for my actions in the bid for presidency, as well as to satisfy my dreams of creating a 'Maharlika Imperyal', which I have tested in various videogames. They usually go like this: "...the former Philippine Islands, now the Maharlika Imperyal, occupies China, turns Japan into a puppet state, and subdues British India...in two years' time...and is now planning to invade USSR and Australia..."
But then, let's be real (more or less), and assuming that my life story was ret-conned that the effect is that I am President now, with the status of the Philippines almost-exactly as it is today, that by some magic occurrence the technology has not changed, being President will be a piece of cake. All I will have to do is visit a foreign country every five days, shake hands with those that voted for me (including the flying voters, who I will shake hands with thrice or more for having voted for me thrice or more, and the dead voters who managed to get out of their coffins to do their duty to state.), and in general play Civilizations IV with real countries. Of course, being President while improving the Philippines.. now that is hard thinking and work.
First, I will have to get some kind of political bearings and doctrines. Yes, I should have made one since I have campaigned for President, but I didn't. And I did not need to, because the Filipino publicists are that good that they chose to use me as a candidate, for a challenge, since they already have managed to make a chihuahua win by landslide victory. And by looking at the various plans my Socio10 classmates have made, and by the ideas the local activist club have given me, I have decided to turn this country into a capitalizt sort of technocracy. (By the way, those two previous links are links to my previous submissions, Professor, in case there was a failure in notifying you about my previous submissions. Oh, and this is what capitalizt means.)
Of course, we first need the funds. We can't grease-talk everyone out of the way, so we need some cold, hard cash to whack those infidels. So, we will cut taxes.
Sounds dumb, right? I am not yet finished. Since my life is ruined anyway by being in politics, I can get away with any idea no matter how much the influential people would like to strangle me. Before reducing taxes (which will be a promise I will keep if I am not deposed of), we will not pay the national debt. We'll just say "Oops, sorry." and we have our available funds suddenly be doubled. Then, we will dispose of the costly standing army and integrate them into the police. Imagine your everyday policeman, wielding an AK-74, climbing into his F-4 Phantom. And then getting shipped to the Smithsonian by accident. That's right. We are giving away our relics to our national museums and research establishments (and selling the leftovers to the rest of the world) in their current state: noncombat-worthy machines that double as displays of the past.
Oh, wait, what about the constitution? Is not the Armed Forces of the Philippines' existence stated in the Constitution? I have not yet fully read the Constitution of the Philippines, but if there is a "President gets emergency powers" clause, I will use it. My Filipino publicists need not take charge convincing the masses that this will be not martial law simply because I have disposed of the Armed Forces in the first place. And if there is no "emergency powers for 'mttspiii'" part, we will have to engage in Charter Change. It will allow me to get that constitution and edit it for my plans, as well as to extend my working hours from 6 years, no reelection to 6+++ years, no election. There will be much corruption to be involved in this event, but in this stage I am incapable of helping the Philippines. Only if I win in Cha-Cha can I gain enough power to soon reduce poverty (We know that it can not be fully wiped out, right? It's politics!) And if Cha-Cha fails? Game over for me, then.
And what about the communist rebels? Let's hear their peace talks, and if ever it will help achieve peace, allow the Communists into the Congress and the Senate. And the ASG, MILF, MNLF, AB, LFS, and other militarist groups? Resume peace talks. Promise to them that we will have large tax cuts. If it helps, we could remove the R-VAT. Just get those organized terrorists and criminals out of the national budget.
Then, we could reduce that pork barrel, repair the infrastructure, and let foreign investors be enticed to come in. Sounds easy, right? Well, we all know that many wants to see the Philippines be stronger, but no one wants to contribute. So this will be my publicists' next job: convince the Congress and the people that the Bataan Nuclear Plant must be opened for the environment and economy's sake, and that the pork barrel funds be diverted towards repairs and reconstruction. The Philippines is disliked by foreign investors because electricity is too expensive, so we will make more electricity for cheaper electricity for everybody, and thus more jobs. See, three birds with one rock.
But about the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant, what about the various concerns? We will send in the PNRI to do checkup. The waste? We can bring it back to PNRI for analysis on possible uses, or sell it to the black market (if we are very short on funds) or incoming multinational companies on the deal that no one will dispose of them in designated Natural Reserves. By this point we can reduce the taxes a little bit, just enough to entice foreign investment to pour in, as long as no one touches the Philippines' Natural Reserves or otherwise pollutes the motherland too much.
Yes, environmentally-friendly this administration shall be. Most of the forests have been chopped down and the Philippines still haven't gotten any richer, so what is the purpose of touching the last few virgins? Besides, new companies have sprung up with their "green" ideas, so it is about time we guard those Natural Reserves. And where are we supposed to get that manpower? By the police. If you remember, our soldiers , with jungle-forest combat expertise from years of fighting "terrorist" organizations, are possibly bored from guarding the citizens of the Philippines from urban crimes. So we will allow them to roam the forests with their former enemies NPA and ASG in search of illegal loggers, miners, and pyromaniacs.
Of course, we should remember that relying too much on other countries will eventually hurt if recession kicks in, so we will nip the problem at its bud by ensuring that everyone pays. If not, the banks will seize the assets (including the personnel) and sell it to anyone. If they like, the banks can break up the corporation into little shares small enough to make many people purchase them. And if the many people happen to decide on making another corporation, there will hardly be monopolies, right?
Concerning monopolies, they are allowed as long as their profits don't tax the consumers too much. I have read about strict capitalists preventing monopolies from forming, thus the local companies are swept by cheap, excellent imports. And we certainly don't want that, right?
Concerning education, if the Philippines is still poor, we will have to increase the tuition in state-owned universities, but we will not allow them to be privatized. Why? Because I think that if eventually these plans make the Philippines richer, the state will still have enough facilities for research on war engines and subliminal messaging, to keep the peace and have more people employed.
Also, we will tell everyone (including, and especially the poor) that "Education is the real wealth.", and that material fortunes are merely bonuses, to be used for even more research, and thus wealth. (Why do you think the state will do research on subliminal messaging?) That will weaken the resolve of people to pilfer their neighbors: it ain't cool no more. The mind, the brain will be the main source of wealth, used to acquire just enough goods to improve knowledge. Of course, to sugarcoat this new outlook towards wealth will be the job of the Filipino publicists, who will say something on TV like: "Why let Western materialism be our definition of wealth? We are still held under bondage by their definition of what is rich and what is poor! Let us uphold a truly pre-colonial, er, Filipino source of wealth: KNOWLEDGE! Stamp those imperialists!" And how the publicists will prevent the capitalizt plans and this not collide head-on, their job, not mine.
Who knew, if the hundreds of millions of Filipinos could be more engaged in thinking about rationalities concerning production and more philosophizing, they could (and must) think of a better way to plan this country. I still have dreams of making that Maharlika Imperyal, you know.
Ah, yes. The Maharlika Imperyal. Luzviminda. Rizal. Bayani. If it helps, we could change the name of the country early on in my term, when the Filipi-not (formerly the Philippines, a temporary name until the Filipi-nots can make a better name for their nation) is so poor that the people just want change to check if their President is working of not. That way, we could slowly begin to influence the youthful, naive, and "enlightened" Filipi-nots that their future is not pinned on some other country. That is why their President has worked so hard to entice the multinational companies to come here, so that the Filipi-not values of family need not always be damaged by OFW-ism. Or, we could change the name in the later parts of my reign, or when the Philippines has become rich enough, when the people yearn for a less colonialist name and have the values and virtues to not ruin their new name, as well as not make the bureaucracy be stressed too much in editing important documents...like I'd really care about the country's name, right? No one cares about the country's new names. America has pulled off a good job making a good country from a colony without changing its name, so why would we bother when we have more pressing issues at hand, like culture.
And why not? Since the flow of various multinational companies will weaken our indigenous culture (unless a new movement by Filipinos concerning the changes happen to them take the global culture by storm and becomes a self-sustaining industry in its own right), we will have to eventually strengthen our culture. Apparently, not many Filipinos would be proud of their country if the best-known thing about the Philippines is that First Lady who collected a lot of shoes. And culture is what prevents the Philippines from turning into a full-fledged neocolony, with all these plans of foreign and foreign-based corporations pouring in. OF course, it would be much nicer if the new cultural leaders, the 'ydolo' of the Philippines would not land in jail for drug use.
Which means one of two things: give the judge the power to decide on cases via sheer common sense (so that they could speed up), or legalize drugs. And since the new Philippines is made of responsible, educated citizens, the majority would not like drugs to be peddled as commonly as newspapers, so drugs should be used only for medicine, and clandestine laboratories confiscated for the state's use. No need to spend, right? We can then sell some machines to the highest bidder.
Concerning bidding, then the contractors. Yes, the contractors that never finish roads. Perhaps even roads should be sponsored by the multinational corporations themselves, they maintaining the road. In exchange, there will be even less taxes, since we will not need to funnel too much money into DPWH. OF course, we trust that no one dares turn MNC-sponsored national highways into tollways, nor widen the road too much, but I am sure the Senate and the Congress will fix up those rules.
I think I am already saying too much, don't you think?
And if all those 2818 words fail, I have an ace up my sleeve: psychedelics and tranquilizers, or P&T - "Pampaaliw at Tanghalian". In a desperate bid to make the Filipinos suffer no more, I will legalize (and even give away) a certain drug, which I will nickname P&T, which can act as both tranquilizer and upper, so that the Filipi-nots can forever be happy and sleeping until they die. Happily.
Of course, I could resign in the first place, but that is a bit cowardly. Better risk inching then towards Somewhere Down the Road... to Perdition. Ahahahaha.
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